


Every Good Baba (Yaga) Deserves Fudge

by MistyBeethoven



Series: Strange Couchfellows [21]
Category: John Wick (Movies)
Genre: Apartments, Assassins & Hitmen, Butcher Knives, Candy, Comedy, Costumes, Gen, H.R. Pufnstuf - Freeform, Halloween, Iguanas, Lizards, Nosy Neighbours, Paw Patrol - Freeform, Pumpkins, Rocky - Freeform, Still just kind of stupid, Trick or Treating, elsa - Freeform, frozen, fudge - Freeform, spiderman - Freeform, venom - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-31
Updated: 2019-10-31
Packaged: 2021-01-15 11:58:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21253040
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MistyBeethoven/pseuds/MistyBeethoven
Summary: John Wick and the Administrator celebrate Halloween and survive an assassination attempt. Then John gets an idea.





	Every Good Baba (Yaga) Deserves Fudge

**Author's Note:**

  * For [WitchOfTheEnd](https://archiveofourown.org/users/WitchOfTheEnd/gifts).

> For the wonderful WitchOfTheEnd whom has supported me throughout my John Wick & Administrator endeavors! Thank you so very much! :)
> 
> Happy Halloween everybody! :D <3

The Administrator was surprised to find out that John Wick was eagerly anticipating Halloween. The fact that the world's most feared assassin enjoyed opening the door one night every year in order to give candy to other people's snot-nosed children baffled and confused the bureaucrat, whom had never partaken in the whole silly affair in his entire adult life.

"So you actually enjoy it?" the Administrator asked incredulously one evening when John asked him to pick up some candy and bags, so he could put them together and give them to any kids that came to the apartment.

"Yes, I do," he replied.

"You just enjoy scaring the little brats right? Living up to the name: Baba Yaga?"

John Wick glared at him unhappily.

"I can't believe it," the Administrator stated as dog hopped on to the couch beside them; Toby, the bureaucrat's pet lizard riding on his back.

"Well do," Wick demanded. "Helen got me into it. It's fun."

The bureaucrat could not fathom how the act of willingly giving away your candy could ever be considered _fun_. It seemed masochistic which suddenly appealed to the Administrator, to his own displeasure.

"I only wish that Helen and I had children so we could have gone out Trick or Treating," the Baba Yaga suddenly confessed rather melancholic. "The Director wouldn't allow it at the Tarkovsky."

Feeling himself suddenly sorry for his hulking companion, the next morning, directly after work, the Administrator went out and fulfilled his roommate's request.

He also went all out and bought the assassin a pumpkin to carve.

"Oops," the bureaucrat heard a deep voice mutter shortly after presenting the man with the overlarge fruit and leaving him to his own devices in the kitchen.

The Administrator turned around to find John Wick standing in the doorway holding a butcher knife and the remains of what had once been a pumpkin. It had been stabbed with very much vigor but not as much remorse.

"I got carried away," John explained with a frown.

* * *

That night, after the High Table servant had used what was salvagable of the massacred squash to bake John Wick a pumkin tart, the two men sat on the floor and filled out the loot bags together. To his credit, John only pulled out his gun once and aimed it at the bureaucrat's head after finding him eating yet another piece of candy.

"Discipline," the assassin commanded.

"Fine," the Administrator said, spitting the half dissolved Werthers into the bag.

John Wick grunted in approval.

"Why is that bag moving?" the small man asked as he saw one of the already filled bags trying to get away.

Grabbing the fleeing object, the Administrator opened it to find that his pet Iguana was inside. The lizard escaped in a flash of green.

The High Table stamper stared at his roommate with evil eyes lurking behind clear glasses. "You stuffed my lizard in a bag, John Wick?"

"He kept interrupting me," came the hitman's placid reply.

* * *

Halloween night, John Wick was the one that answered the door. He had begged and pleaded with the Administrator, whom had argued that it was a very poor idea: if anybody recognized just who was giving out candy they were likely to get an even bigger gift if they could successfully take him down. With a 14 million plus dollar bounty on his head, John Wick was the biggest treat on the block.

Still, the Baba Yaga had been so annoyingly insistent about it the bureaucrat had eventually caved in. Although, as the Administrator sat on the couch watching some poor kid waiting for something called "The Great Pumpkin" he had to wonder why. Wick appeared to be his usual cool self, offering the children monosyllabic praises on their costumes, a bag of candy and nothing else in the form of enthusiasm.

John Wick was having fun though. Even if the Administrator had difficulty in detecting it. He had spent his own long hours in front of the bureaucrat's television set and had become completely familiar with the latest kiddy cartoons and interests. 

So when Wick saw an H.R. Pufnstuf amongst the Paw Patrol gang members, Elsas, Duke Cabooms and Spidermans his suspicions were justifiably raised; raised equally as fast as his gun was after the yellow skinned and red haired bastard said "Trick or Treat" in a voice so deep it sounded as if his testicles had dropped when Nixon went into office.

The other children at the door fled down the apartment's corridor screaming as Pufnstuf hit the floor in a bloody mess. Only one small boy, dressed as Venom, considered it actually quite cool that he now had authentic blood splatter on his costume.

"You shot a kid!" the Administrator exclaimed, coming to the door to find out what all the ruckus had been. "We'll be evicted!"

"That wasn't a kid," John Wick informed as he dragged the corpse inside; its hand still clutched possessively around its own Trick or Treat bag.

To prove his point, the assassin ripped off the mask to reveal a tough and sixty year old, balding dwarf. He also soon found a gun hidden in the dwarf assassin's pocket.

"No, it most certainly isn't," the Administrator agreed.

John pryed the Trick or Treat bag out of the dead man's hand. Peering into it, he nodded in reluctant praise. "He did well."

"Imagine disguising yourself as a kid and going out Trick or Treating," the bureaucrat admonished. "Disgraceful. I'd make him Excommunicado if he weren't already dead."

The pierced and outraged man turned and finally became aware of the way that John Wick was appraising his small stature.

"NO!" the office boss shrieked at his roommate until Wick started to pout and all hope was lost.

* * *

"Trick or Treat!" the Administrator snapped in a false and squeaky tone as the next apartment dweller opened their door and tossed candy into his bag.

He was wearing a costume of Rocky from "Paw Patrol" and had gradually been consumed by the belief that John had been hiding the darn thing under the couch cushions, just waiting for the moment where he could spring it on him. Or rather him into it. The man had gotten him into the costume with an ease that vouched for his fearful skills.

Door to door of the apartment building they went; the bureaucrat pretending to be a youngster and John putting on his best act of being a proud yet irritable father.

"You let him get piercings?" one particular gullible neighbour asked.

"You should have seen the tantrum he gave when I wouldn't," John replied, earning a kick from the pencil pusher as they walked away.

Both men were fairly exhausted by the time that they reached the final door. They had also forgotten the very important reason _why_ they had been avoiding it. In horror, they remembered all too late as the tenant opened the door and smiled widely at them.

"Hello boys!" Mrs. Milner greeted. "I didn't know you were going out! I thought you'd be getting your tricks and treats behind closed doors!"

She offered them a naughty and insidious wink.

John Wick and the Administrator looked at each other in uncomfortable and absolute terror before they ran down the apartment corridor back to the safety of their apartment.

"Hey boys!" the elderly woman shouted out after them. "Come back! I've got some fudge for you! You boys do like fudge, don't you?"

* * *

Once more relatively safe in their apartmart, the Administrator handed John Wick the full and heavy bag. "I'm going to go change. We'll split the candy when I get back. First we'll check it for razor blades and stuff though."

As he stepped over the lifeless and cold body of the imposter H.R. Pufnstuf, the bureaucrat turned back and added, "You can never be too sure what sickos are answering the door these days."

"Agreed," the Baba Yaga said popping a piece of candy into his mouth without checking it.


End file.
